Forget Regret
by someonewillingtostandwithyou
Summary: Letters between Beckett and Rizzoli, in which they are old friends. Rizzles&Caskett cos they're epic and I ship them to bits! R&R please, though this is not that good cos it's my first fic:
1. Chapter 1

Dear Jane,

How has life been so far? I hear you've found a girl and you've been with her for two years. For you, that's kinda like a miracle. You've never actually been able to fully settle down. Maura (is that her name?) must be really good for you. Be good to her okay? Don't lose the one person who understands you so thoroughly and still loves every facet of who you are. I wish I hadn't pushed that one and done for me away.

I guess it's great that Hoyt is finally gone. That's one burden off your shoulders. Be careful, alright? This country is not a safe place for anyone, especially us homicide detectives. I just don't want Maura to have to go through what Castle did when I got shot. Yes, I got shot in the chest. But that was long ago and I'm alright now. You remember my mom Johanna? And how she died when we were 19? Well I caught the guy hired to shot her but the case just gets bigger and bigger. Someone who died a hero once told me that for us, there is no victory, only battles, and in the end the best you can hope for is to find somewhere to make your stand. If we are very lucky, we will find someone willing to stand with us. Let Maura stand with you, let your walls come down, because love isn't a switch—you can't just switch it off.

Janey, don't hurt her. Even when you need some space, don't forget to call. She may just be the one person who will keep you from falling down the rabbit hole. Sometimes we don't realise we need someone until they've given up and gone. Jane Rizzoli, I don't care if you're a hardened cop, but once you lose her you'll lose everything and your world will fall apart. Secrets are like time bombs, eventually they explode, so don't keep crucial things from her. Don't let there be a chance that in one of your near-death experiences, you lose your life or hers. If you finally say "I love you" make sure she's conscious to hear it.

I've made many mistakes in my life, I don't want you to have to go through it as well. Darling Janey, my mom would be so proud of you. She always did joke that we'd end up in the same situations. Don't give up, Janey. You can be all she wants, for you are already all she needs. Come to New York soon, okay? And bring your girlfriend along with you! Write back soon, Rizzoli!

Love,

Katherine Elisabeth Beckett


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: okay so this is my first fic, and it won't be very good. Somehow I find it easier to write as Rizzoli than Beckett, though I've been in the Castle fandom for longer. Umm, OH YES, shoutout to my Wifi, without whom I would never have picked up fanfiction again. BSE is over but lets watch Always together or smth? Hehe thanks for reading my fanfic, please review cause goodness knows I need the criticism. I can take harsh words, don't worry. Thanks for the first review:):) you made my day. Sorry but no, they arent together yet. The "together" is Kate teasing Jane about being whipped before being in an actual relationship. And I will try to make some non-letter chaps, after my exams cos I have Block Tests now. :(

**Disclaimer: **cos I realised I didnt put one in the first chapter. I do not, and never will, own any rights to Rizzoli and Isles or Castle.

Dear Katherine,

Hey Katie! Well it has been a really long time since I've seen you. I don't think we've seen each other since we met again at the Academy and graduated. Don't tease me about Maura, for goodness sake. We aren't together, yet. I bet you'll be together with your Castle fellow before we are.

So you've heard of Maura. Doctor Maura Isles. Oh, Katie, she's the most amazing, beautiful, exceptional human to ever grace the Earth. Both of us are damaged, Katie, but she bounced back. I swear, the time I had to watch Hoyt tase and cut her was pure hell. I would endure a million shocks and cuts if it meant that she would never have had to go through that. Hoyt is finally dead, Katie, yet he still haunts me. Maura is the only one who can keep me safe, yet I'm too scared and scarred to ever admit that to her.

Katherine Elisabeth you must have messed up really bad for you to seem so mournful. I swear I haven't seen you like this since our Academy days. You nearly got us killed once! Katie, Katie, Katie, what did you do now? I can tell you really love this Castle guy. He's your one-and-done, Kate, and you're blind if you don't see it. That wall inside you is no longer keeping him out, you are. Your sheer stubbornness and lack of courage to take some risks is disappointing, Katie, honestly. Aunt Jo would want you to be happy, your life is worth more than her death. You saved Uncle Jim, why can't you save yourself? Don't get swallowed up in her case again please Katie. You have Castle as your lifeline now, so don't let go. Katie, tell him, before that man gives up and moves on. Goodness knows why he's still around, anyway. I'm sorry about your mom's case. And I would never want to put Maura through the pain of a shooting. I've done that already, though. But I shot myself.

I don't get it. How am I, the tough homicide detective in the BPD, so freaking whipped by someone who doesn't even know how I feel about her. Maura is straight as an arrow, no doubt about it, and I think she likes Tommy. Remember my idiot brother Tommy? He has stolen almost everything from my life. My mother is always calling me Janie, but I wonder if she'll ever call me Janie again after I come out. If I do. Mom favours Tommy and Frankie so I don't expect to be treated fairly. I have to work twice as hard to get half as much. It will be a cold day in hell before I let him take Maura away. You shouldn't let Castle be taken away. What is stopping you, anyway? Does he have a brat of a kid that you cannot stand? Or a history that may repeat? From how you talk about him, I'm pretty sure you love him. Go for it, Katie.

Katie, have you heard from Madison lately? I've heard that she's settled down. I hope we will be there soon. Maddie was always the most reckless out of all of us, I guess she must have changed a lot. You have too, huh? The biggest scofflaw became a cop with me. I never thought I would ever see you at the Academy, let alone become your training partner. We had some pretty good perp chases back then, didn't we? Katie, don't be a stranger, tell me if something happens, okay? I will visit soon, but I don't know if I can get Maura there too after I confess. Boston kicks New York's ass, by the way.

Love (You wish),

Jane Rizzoli

P/S My mom asks you to come over on gnocchi night again soon.


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey awesome people who have stuck around. I'm so sorry I spent so long MIA and not updating this but here it is? It is kinda bad, I think, but maybe you'll think otherwise. Review, maybe? I love you guys for sticking around:)_

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><p>The sticky seal between the flap and the envelope itself cracked open as she ran a chipped nail through it, leaving the letter inside to drift slowly to the pristine white tiled floor. Her bony hand trembled once, the envelope springing free and sailing to the ground as well. Trying desperately to keep her one-armed hold on the baby boy in her arms, she squatted down and pinched the corner of the paper, lifting and placing it onto the kitchen counter. The child had started to fuss, his hands grabbing at her dark curls and yanking on them, hard.<p>

"OW!" First instinct led her hand to start toward swatting the small hand away but she stopped herself with a jolt, rubbing the area that had been hurt instead, "That wasn't very nice, you little imp. You are so going to pay for trying to pull the scalp off my head."

Just as she was going to pick the letter up and read it, the creak of the main door opening and dully thumping as it shut caught her attention. Once she could see honey blonde locks behind the wall next to the door, she brought the little boy in her arms toward the woman entering the house.

"Threatening a young child is cruel, Jane, as well as very unbecoming, I might add." The warm voice lilted in amusement as the woman appeared from behind the wall. As she set her bag down on the table against the wall, she reached toward Jane for the blanket-swaddled bundle in her wiry arms.

"Who is that from, Jane?" Gesturing to the folded paper still in her hand, Maura took the boy from her arms as peered at Jane inquisitively. The little boy gurgled in her arms and she looked down at him, a smile quickly blossoming on her face as she took in the chubby, rosy cheeks and wavy dark hair that made up one of her favorite people. She bent her head to give the child a gentle peck on the cheek, sweetly speaking to him, "Why, hello there Julien Did you have fun with your Nonna Angela today?" Moving over to the sofa and setting herself down slowly, she nudged Jane along the way to follow her.

Turning to the stunned figure of Jane Rizzoli, she joked lightly, "What has you so surprised, Jane? It can't possibly be more shocking than the letter you received from Kate Beckett in March, could it?" She had expected a quick comeback in the same kidding manner that she harbored in her voice, yet the eyes that turned to her were burning serious. The crisp white paper was pushed to her, Jane getting up to walk back into the kitchen. It was that shocking, evidently.

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><p>Dear Jane,<p>

Janey, I need some help. I don't know if we're just kidding ourselves with this. We don't make any sense on paper, really, we don't. He is a successful, famous mystery novelist, with some twenty eight bestsellers under his belt and two failed marriages to boot. He even has a collegiate daughter, who is amazing, by the way. I am a homicide detective with the NYPD, the daughter of a murdered lawyer mother whose killer still roams free and a recovering alcoholic father. We belong in different worlds, Janey. I cannot lie to myself about that. He keeps trying to convince me that everything will be alright, that we will have an 'Always' to look forward to, that we didn't need to make sense on paper because that is not where we live our lives. I want to believe him, I truly do, but there are certainly some differences too big for people to ignore.

Goodness, Jane, I'm so confused. Remember what you told me back when I was just a confused nineteen year old desperate to get away from New York and everything it held so I ran to the Academy in Boston? You told me that when people fall in love, all the songs make sense. I think they do now, no, I know they do. Is this love strong enough to power through all the shit that will probably hit the fan or we lose everything we ever had forever? I don't belong in this world of glitz and glamour. Janey, help me, please. Knock some sense into me like you always have.

Love, Katherine E. Beckett

P.S. I heard about your kid, Rizzoli. You can't hide your life from a cop. Or a friend. Especially if said cop/friend is Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD.

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><p>The scent of food stunned her back into reality as she realized that the child was no longer in her arms. Looking up, lost, Maura found Jane standing in front of her with Julien in her right arm and her left hand stretched out to Maura. Taking Jane's proffered hand and pulling herself up from the sofa, she brought the letter with her to the table that was set for three.<p>

Watching Jane settle Julien into the high chair with fresh gnocchi waiting on the table, Maura momentarily marveled at how natural Jane was at this, despite how unlike her it seemed. Jane had finally revealed that she did actually know how to cook more than grilled cheese sandwiches and frozen food and that she was actually pretty good at it. She noticed the little twitch of Jane's hands from time to time, the subtle clues that she was itching to rub at her aching scars. The letter had obviously worried Jane very much, especially since Kate was one of her closest friends and that she had been the catalyst that brought the two of them together. As in _**together**_ together.

The little half-Italian boy who sat in the high chair was a reminder how the woman who had gone through nine long months carrying the child, who had caused so much hubbub around the Rizzoli family, had just up and left her newborn baby at Jane Rizzoli's door ten months ago. The boy was their son now, Julien Fenway Rizzoli, Jude for short.

"Jane, talk to me about this, don't keep it to yourself." She placed a warm milk-colored hand on Jane's caramel one as Jane finally sat down opposite her.

She bit her lip first, then spoke in a tone that was one the verge of being biting, "Why, Maur? Why not let it fester inside me and eat at me that I'm here being the happiest I've ever been when the person who helped me get here is miles away suffering in silence?"

Stabbing at a piece of gnocchi with her fork, she spat, "She must have kept it to herself for some time, otherwise she would not have hit her breaking point and written and sent that letter. Why shouldn't I?" The butter and sage that coated the gnocchi thinly made the tiny little potato pillow slip out of harms away, ricocheting off the side of Jane's plate onto Jude's head of characteristically unruly Rizzoli hair.

The child giggled as the soft buttery puff slipped off his head and into his mouth as he bent forward. "Now-kee!"

Both the women who were engrossed in their silent conversation snapped their attention to the ecstatically babbling child.

"Did he-"

"I think he just said his first word, Jane. A very good attempt at one, anyway. Gnocchi."

Even the usual matter-of fact tone of Doctor Maura Isles was tinged with only lightly bridled pride.

"Figures it'd be food." Reaching over, she ruffled the slightly oily curls of her son and grinned as wide as she could. That high plummeted almost instantaneously once the all too familiar annoying ring of dispatch calling her phone cut through the moment.

Yanking the black phone out of the pockets of her slacks, she pressed the worn button to accept the call and put it to her ear, barking out, "Rizzoli." Hanging up after assuring the too-eager newbie who had been tasked to reach Detective Jane Rizzoli that she knew what she was to do, Jane kissed her girlfriend and son before clipping her badge onto her belt and going to the safe to holster her locked up gun. Tugging on her blazer, she turned back to Maura.

"If you get called in, Ma said she'd take Jude anytime." Shutting the main door behind her as she left her family inside, she got into her beat up unmarked. The call from dispatch had piqued her interest - why was dispatch calling her to Cavanaugh's office? Korsak, Frost, heck, even Cavanaugh himself could have called her in. What was going on? The wheels of her Crown Vic tore through the gravel as the thoughts of this call and Kate's letter tore through her mind. How could she help her dearest friend when she herself was facing the same situation. The more she thought about it, the more it became clear that her blue collar upbringing and Maura's riches were like oil and water. They were worlds apart, just like Katie and that Rick Castle guy.

Getting out of the car and into the precinct, she realized that she had been spending the past two minutes blankly staring at the '1854' emblazoned on the outside of the precinct. She marched herself up to the Lieutenant's office, her hand resting on her gun just in case she needed to whip it out.

Knocking on the door twice, she heard a stiff 'come' and she stepped in. The image that greeted her shocked her out of her socks and her jaw dropped slightly. She stuttered for a while, then schooled her features and turned to the grim faces of her partner, the Lieutenant and Sergeant.

"What the hell is going on here, guys?" She rubbed a hand over her tired eyes and pointed a shaking finger at the projection on the screen, "Why did dispatch call me here and why in the world is she on the screen?"


End file.
